Not Phoning it In

(This is the first of a 2-part blog describing my descent into the realms of the technically clueless.)

I didn't start out clueless. Back in the day I worked at Silicon Valley's biggest companies. Hubby still does, and we have all the toys to prove it. It's just that I don't know how to play with them nowadays.

I think I took a wrong turn somewhere between cell phones and Albuquerque. I hate cellular phones because I hate all phones. Nobody has the right to interrupt if I'm busy. It used to be a pleasure to get out, away from the phone. "Oh, did I miss your call? Sorry (not!), I was out all day!" I wouldn't give up my non-interrupt zone. Cell phones were for emergencies only.

So while everybody else mastered bluetooth, texted, made cat videos, downloaded and uploaded media, and learned apps, my cellular phone was standing by for emergencies. Through this era I felt smug... SMUG! that these idiots were getting slapped with outrageous bills just so they could listen to tin-ny music, web-surf, or watch movies on a postage-stamp-sized screen.

Speaking of size, it also annoyed me that cell phones bristled with buttons and hotspots. I know they need to put them someplace, but it's tough for old fingers to hold a phone without muting the volume, firing up 2 apps, taking pictures up your own nostrils, and accidently returning a call to a scammer who wants my SSN. (Like I'd know how to delete 'missed calls?')

Now everyone but me knows how to make those sweepy gestures that control their phones. I still squint at the initial display wishing that a menu would appear with an list of functions I understand. (Spoiler alert... it doesn't happen.) Why do they put all the useless crap I don't want in such prominent places?

My number, alas, is up. My old 'emergency-only' dumbphone finally bit the dust, and my new one is way too smart for me. Hubby has dropped hints that it is time to lose the land line. I'll have to start using the cell phone.

Now if I can just find a 'young person' to show me how to answer the damned thing.