Unsung Caregiver Heros Need More Than Songs

This weekend Grandma went to the ER. It was determined that she had a heart attack. It wasn't fatal, so the hospital will want her out of there ASAP. What's next for Grandma, and all the Grandmas out there? Go back home? Facility? Move in with family?

Elder care is quite an issue. I didn't strain myself with research, but I googled some numbers. In 1999, 3.7 million seniors neeeded caregivers. About 1.2 million of these only received 'informal care.' Translation... 1.2 million 'younger' friends or family members had to do everything.

The 2010 census, alas,  didn't track this statistic. I am guessing the 3.7 million has gone up, and the 'informal care' number has skyrocketed. Prove me wrong. Please.

From my experience, most older people who need care have these things in common:

1. They want to stay in their homes
2. They don't trust anyone else in their homes
3. They can't afford professional in-home care anyhow

Clearly, something's gotta give. But what? It all amounts to 'how much?' How much money is there to spend? How much property does everybody have, and how much room is available in it? Finally, how much care is needed, and how much is it gonna cost?

The answer is usually 'too much' care and expense, and 'not enough' money. So, 'younger' friend or family member... welcome to Hell. Your first choice is whether your loved one can stay in their own place. If they can, it's 'commute hell' and 'time suck' for you, the caregiver. You'll prefer this, though, to the next step. Relocation.

Making room in one's household is a real sacrifice. You're very lucky if your loved one will settle for (and can afford) an alternative, such as assisted living. Most don't have that option. Whatever the decision, it's more traumatic for your loved one.

In other times, and in other cultures, three or four generations could co-exist under the same roof. Unless that's how it's always been, though, good luck. Places aren't built with that in mind. Other family members don't like it when rules are changed mid-game. Then there's the question of 'stuff.' Nobody wants to give up anything.

[(Another household member) + (all their stuff) = (unhappy household).]  (Been there.)

Once everybody is under one roof, kiss your old life goodbye. Being on-hand 24/7 is a demanding job. You can't leave. You don't get paid. Your loved one may or may not appreciate your efforts. Though sometimes it's better than the commute. It all depends.

Politicians have many words of praise for the millions who perform this thankless job. Good start; but recognition and praise ARE NOT ENOUGH. Exhausted caregivers don't need praise. They need cash. They need help. Caregivers should get a huge whomping tax break. It should count as employment. There should be resources.

Sorry for the rant. I prefer to be funnier. It's just that I want better options for Grandma and for my awesome mother-in-law. They deserve it.